you won't know {open}

[mysteryfaith]

cosmotremor

hey, hey, hey, mr hangman, go get your rope
your daughters weren't careful, i fear that i am a slippery slope
now even if i lay my head down at night
after a day i got it perfectly right
she won't know, she won't know...

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Shards of piercing light penetrated the lake, digging into its dripping depths like daggers. It was almost bittersweet to see the glistening fish swim daintily in its bright yet murky waters, their fins shimmering with a thousand different hues. It nearly felt as if it would be a shame to leave this lake.

But I won't miss anything. Not a heartbeat of this green place would be remembered; it was all part of the devious system the world had devised. In the fraction of time it took him to consider these empty visual facts - the leaves, the fish, the clouds - he remembered the tales his loner grandmother used to tell him in his dreams.

I will give you one thing, the world said to one cat, if you die for me. The cat refused. The world persisted: I will give you one thing that all cats long for, some cats live for, and a few have gained in vain. The cat refused. The world did not give up: This gift will be with you forever if you die for me. And the cat said yes. He died for the world, and the world gave him freedom.

It was partially morbid, to hear the tale of freedom being delivered by the cruel world in exchange for death. But he could trick that painful law - slide under the harsh ropes that held it in place. He could run away, and freedom would be his. All he had to do was forget everything - the mere breeze that tickled his fur, the scents and the sounds that surrounded him constantly - and leave. It's that simple.

Cosmotremor blinked. In the morning light, it felt as if he'd been awake for hours - he probably had, just thinking of a way to get out of those punishing conditions in which a cat could recieve a break from its labrynth of lies. He could remember sitting here at dusk just to memorise every dapple on the lake, every dimple that a gulping fish made, every scar that quickly faded from the reed's bobbing head. The stars had come and gone, watching over him with pleading twinkles. They were begging him to stay - every single one, their silent pleas ringing in his ears...

He stretched out a paw, and pushed his ears back, closing his eyes as he stretched the cramped limb. He repeated this with his other three legs, then stood up, his paws cracked and aching from the long and rocky run to the lake. If anyone was watching him now - the merciless sun or the fluffy, secretive clouds - they would disapprove. If a warrior was lost today... they were the witnesses who would held the blame of countless battles and deaths. To see a cat born in this very forest run away... disgraceful.

Ignore it, he begged himself. His mind was unravelling - a long, thin trail of memories and thoughts, experiences and important moments all leading from him to freedom. He just needed to follow his mind - follow what he thought was right. Following his heart... It was lethal. To stay in the forest was to be haunted by a thousand enemy ghosts in the darkness, to be chased by invisible spectres with every shaking step you take. There was no way - no way - he could stay.

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[blueskysummer]

Goldenclaw ran.

this clan, this life, it was all a lie. all some elaborate yet false promise of security and hope. he could see it now. these cats, they said they were happy in their clan. but how could they be? their lives were pain. they had loss and pain the same as any other cat. and to add to that, they had horrid fights with one another, resulting in horrifying injury and the death of innocent cats.

and then there were the memories. too many memories. too many similarities. it was too much, it was all too much!

he slowed at the scent of another cat. he couldn't tell if it were a clan cat, or what clan it was from. he hadn't stayed long enough to learn the difference.

he stopped. perhaps he hadn't stayed long enough to really understand the clans. perhaps there was more to them than he thought...

Oh Midnight, what should I do? he called silently to the sky, and the stars beyond.

his eyes spotted the cat before him. perhaps talking to him would clear his head, change his mind once more.

"Good morning," he called, padding to the cat.

[mysteryfaith]

Cosmotremor heard the cat approaching, even with his poor hearing. In the calm morning light of the rippling lake, his ears twitched; the steady thump of pawsteps in the forest were slowly dragging him from his sorrowful daydreams. Bringing me back to life, he ironically thought, a hint of dry black humour creeping into his mind.

"Greetings, cat," he called, not even turning to look at the feline approaching. If he comes close enough, he may be able to detect an air of laziness, he warned himself. However, it was his choice whether to greet a cat who could just as well be an enemy as a friend.

"Do you harbour the doubts of ignorance in your mentality as well as I, or is my sanity finally slipping away?" It was much too formal for any Clan cat to comprehend, but maybe this one was different. The Clan cats disliked technical language and manners, in his opinion - if it can't be fought over, they don't want it, Cosmotremor reminded himself.

He blinked, and peered upwards; above him a blue sky was creeping over the horizon. Another cold day then, he sighed inwardly. The snow on the ground was thawed to a slippery ice now, barely enough to make a cat tremor or please the over-expectant kits, begging for snow. Just another cold leafbare, as it always was in his heart...

He yawned - the curled, black fingers of wear crept around his body, seeping through his veins like a drowsy poison. Sleep can't sooth me, he reminded himself, trying desperately not to slip into its tempting trap. Nothing can sooth the knowledge and ferocity I have percieved from these Clan cats.

Cosmotremor's eyes watered as another yawn passed his lips, and he snarled to himself; this cursed tire will leave me defeated and humiliated! He was neither elderly or sick, but still his pathetic body yearned for rest. There was no salvation in life: freedom was delivered at a cost, eternal rest was out of reach, and even in the friendliest of relationships there was an argument lying just around the corner.

No point in being depressed for this cat - if that's what you'd call it. Fighting away the urge to remain 'mysterious' - what was the point anyway? - he turned his head to look at the cat. A tom, he saw, with a golden pelt. Typical of LightningClan, he thought, now just begging for even dark humour to entertain his parched mind. "Well, even if you are not alike to me, I can tell you are troubled." No normal cat ran through the forest at dawn with heavy steps and a probably equally heavy heart. "Come, sit with me."

[/size]

[blueskysummer]

Golde claw paused at the cat's words. it took a moment of running them over in his mind to understand their meaning. the other cats he had talked with in the clan (Thunderclan? no, Lightningclan! that was it) had not talked with such an air. then again, he had mostly hung around the apprentices. perhaps it was a Warrior thing. or possibly this was another clan's cat. how should he know?

"Doubts of ignorance? I stopped believing in that when they took... a long time ago" he faltered. "As for losing your sanity,
it is my opinion that it can never be truly lost. i met a cat once, stump for a tail, talked to the air, even able to call himself insane. but he still had a great wisdom to him."

Responding to the stranger's invitation, he padded up to sit beside the wise cat. something about him was un-deniably... something. he couldn't put his paw on it. like this cat had reached some higher consiousness, or had noticed something everyone else was missing. Goldenclaw wanted to know what this cat knew, or at least a glimpse. perhaps he could help him out of this great doubt that plauged him. oh, if only Midnight could be here... she would have loved clan life.

"Yes, i am troubled, as you could say." he bowed his head. "Things used to be so much easier. where did the good days go? My name's Goldenclaw, by the way."